If you feel ready to try having vaginal sex, here are some handy practical tips to ensure your first time is consensual and positive.
There are so many different ways to have sex, and exploring what you do and don’t like sexually is a constant, ongoing process. If you think you are ready to try having vaginal sex, Brook has some really helpful advice on what can help you feel comfortable and relaxed in taking that step. We’d recommend checking that out before reading any further here.
Vaginal sex, or vaginal intercourse, is the type of sex that involves a penis going into a vagina. If this is something you want to try, but are unsure on the mechanics of how it works, we have some basic pointers that might be useful.
Consent is sexy
The first and most important stage of vaginal – or any other kind – of sex, is that both you and your partner consent to everything that you’re doing. At Fumble, we believe this should always involve, a big, enthusiastic YES, which you should get before you start any kind of Fumbling, and keep on checking for while you’re having fun.
Sometimes sexual consent can feel more complicated than just a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no‘, so it’s really important to keep that in mind – and never forget that at any point, either before or during sex, you can always change your mind and stop.
Focus on Foreplay
Not only is foreplay a lot of fun, it’s an important part of making you both aroused; and unless the vagina is fully aroused and wet, vaginal sex can be both difficult to achieve, and a pretty uncomfortable sensation.
So before you go diving straight in, take some time to explore what feels good together, without feeling any pressure to rush to the next stage.
Another really important thing to remember is that for a lot of women, arousal has no direct link to how wet they feel – they might feel super turned on, but their body won’t necessarily show it. If you are struggling to get wet, there are a huge range of lubricants that can help – there is absolutely no shame in using them.
Let’s get it on
Once you’re both aroused, it’s a good idea to put a condom on the penis, to prevent an unwanted pregnancy and protect you both against STIs – and do this before the penis goes anywhere near the vagina, as pre-come contains sperm.
If you need it, put some lube near the entrance of the vagina (and make sure it’s water-based if you’re using condoms, as oil-based lubes can mess with the latex.) Then when you’re ready, gently open (or ‘spread’) the labia and insert the head of the penis into the vagina. Take it slowly at first – there’s nothing worse than pushing too hard too fast – then move at a pace that’s comfortable for both of you.
And remember to communicate! If it’s painful or uncomfortable, let your partner know, and slow things down.
Switch it up
There are loads of different positions for having vaginal sex. Some positions give easier access to the clitoris during sex, and others allow for a greater depth of penetration.
If you’re having vaginal sex for the first time you may find the missionary position (where one of you is on top of the other), is the easiest to get to grips with, but as you get more comfortable with sex figuring out what works for you can be a lot of fun. Fumble will have more information on the different sexual positions coming soon!
When you decide to stop having sex – which can be when one or both of you have come – gently remove the penis from the vagina. If you’re using condoms, hold the condom at the base of the penis while you take it out to make sure no cheeky sperm leaks out.
Then tie the condom it in a knot, wrap it in tissue and throw it away. It’s also a good idea for both of you to go for a wee after having sex, to avoid contracting painful urinary infections such as cystitis.
Always remember that good sex is a learning process. No-one is great at sex when they first start having it – and even people who have been happily shagging around for years have the occasional hilarious and awkward moment. So try not to worry about ‘getting it wrong’, but enjoy exploring and learning! Happy PIV.